Why I Almost Didn't Do The Thing I've Always Wanted To Do
Short Answer: Fear
Context: I recently moved to the place of my dreams! It’s been on my vision board since I was 10 and through it all, it’s consistently been at the back of my mind. But I’ll tell you a secret…when the time came, I almost talked myself out of going. The night before my flight. I debated saying no.
More Context:
When I was in elementary school, we went on a family trip to Hawaii. At the time, it had fallen on the exact date that I was supposed to sing a song at a school assembly. I had been practicing for weeks and I, naturally, took it quite seriously. I was a very serious child.
Well, this trip really threw off my game plan. I wasn’t able to perform and I was so upset as a result of it (I know, I know, I’m shaking my adult head too).
When we landed in Honolulu, I was hit with the tropical breeze, a pull to the ocean, and a sense of longing that I had never felt before. I remember thinking to myself; “I would love to live here”.
From then on it had been one of my biggest dreams to at least try living here. To see how I liked it and give it a go. I felt like I owed myself at least that much.
The opportunity arose in my life to go somewhere new. With no sense of direction and very little clue on what to do next, I started browsing Facebook Marketplace (man, you can really find everything on there!). I stumbled across an apartment that looked as if it was taken straight out of my Pinterest board. It was in the area where some of my biggest inspirations lived, only 3 minutes from the beach, and it seemed like paradise.
I said to the Universe; “Ok. If I'm meant to be here, this place will work out. It will work out with ease”
I sent a message to the owners. The trap had been set, it was done.
No answer…for 3, 4, then 5 days. “Alright” I thought. “Not meant to be”.
That night I checked my inbox to the owner saying that yes, it was still available and yes, for the exact length of time I wanted.
The next day, I signed the lease!
As it came time to leave I started doubting myself. Questioning what I was doing. Every limiting belief RACING in. “It’s too expensive” and “You’re not from there, you won’t fit in”. Every thought in the book. It was in my head.
I almost talked myself out of going. The night before my flight. I wasn’t even excited any more at that point, I was just terrified. It didn’t matter that I had signed the lease, that rent was due, or that my flight was in less than 12 hours. I almost said “No, I really can’t do this”.
Isn’t it funny? How the one thing we want most can also be the thing that we try to push away… the thing that scares us most.
I suspect the reasons for that are personal depending on the individual. I also suspect though, that it mostly comes down to the discomfort of unfamiliarity, which is what the unknown brings. Everything unfamiliar.
For me it was a mix of things. Mainly the fear of it not being what I expected. Not the picture I painted in my mind. I was worried that the experience would somehow be a ‘failure’.
Despite the fear, I got on the plane. Arrived in this new place. This place I’ve always dreamed of being. It’s beautiful and new, yet familiar. I don’t know a single soul. Not one person…except for my landlords who are so sweet and even lent me a bike.
All your crutches disappear in situations like these. You quickly get to know just how scared you really are without them…but I’m doing it anyway.
Will it be worth it? Well, I don’t presume to know what the future holds. So I couldn’t say. But I’m leaning towards yes.
I’m embracing the quiet, the time spent alone. The discomfort. Because there will be a time when my schedule is so jam packed that I wish I had more space. Like all things, it will pass.
May this glimpse into my life inspire & spark the fulfillment of your own dreams.
In the meantime, here’s some support for when you’re met with fear…
Meditation Type Support for When You’re Met With Fear —
A Quote: ‘You don’t miss what’s meant for you’ (said to me by a dear friend)
A Mantra: This fear you feel will pass. This excitement is here to guide you. This too shall pass. This too shall guide.
An Action: Take 3 deep breaths. Do it anyway. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
What’s one thing you were really scared to do but ended up working out better than you could’ve thought? I’d love to hear. Let me know in the comment section below.
P.S. I’m hosting a FREE MEDITATION + MANIFESTATION WORKSHOP later this month! I’ll show you the exact tools I used to manifest my dream apartment in Hawaii (I’ll even show you my vision board vs what it looks like in real life…you can’t make this stuff up!) ADD YOUR NAME TO THE LIST HERE. You’ll get more details when the dates/times are announced. I can’t wait to support you in bringing your dreams to life.