The Sequel: Why I Almost Didn’t Do The One Thing I Always Wanted to Do ~ My Journey Back to Hawaii
Days leading up to my flight, I had a knot in my stomach. In passing people would say “You must be so excited!” and don’t get me wrong, I really really was. I also knew in my heart that the same experience could never be created twice. This time around would be different.
THEN
On my journey last year, I was consumed by fear. So much so that I almost didn’t go. Fear of the unknown, living in a new place. Fear of loneliness, not knowing a single soul. Fear of it being a let down, a failure on my part in some way. In the end, these thoughts of uncertainty were not as strong as the internal pull that nudged me to go. I hopped on the plane to a faraway place, and that’s where I landed for the better part of a year.
NOW
After an 8-month visa waiting period in my hometown in Canada I had gotten comfortable with where I was. At the beginning, I was in this strange state of denial and searching…yet paralyzed. As much as I wanted to go back to the island, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t time yet.
When that door eventually opened, change (even welcomed) felt scary. I was sitting in uncomfortability. Fearful, just like the first time.
With this second homecoming, there was already a shift. Where I was once surrounded by strangers, I would be greeted by a little community. I had someone picking me up at the airport. Friends were texting me saying “Welcome home!”. I knew the location. I was familiar with the lifestyle.
Which begs the question, what was I so nervous about?
With every new chapter comes a letting go of the previous. Energy moves forward, dynamics shift, and what’s left is foreign.
How do you greet the new? When the old was so cherished.
So many of the things I found in my initial discovery had evolved. I wouldn’t be in the same apartment. The one I had loved so much. I wouldn’t be on the same street or living alone. If you were to ask me what my ideal was on paper, this would not have been it.
What’s come to me over the course of the past few weeks during this transition is the importance of remaining open to what wants to meet me, instead of what I want to happen. Letting go of my grip and need for certainty, I instead chose to embrace everything for what it was. So that I could see the opportunities that the Universe was setting along my path. Instead of swatting them away in favor of my ‘preferences’.
After taking time to adjust and settle, I am more at peace than I was before. There is no sense of urgency, a feeling of being okay with what is, and I’m better able to go with the flow.
By tapping into that lightness, you energetically open yourself up to alignment and manifestations of your visions. The result? New things are opening up.
I have accepted that this is what I’m meant to get out of it this time around. This is what I’m meant to learn and to move through. This is how I greet what wants to find me.
What I’m meant to receive will be different. What I’m meant to give will also be different.
There are times when what we need differs from what we want. This has been a constant practice for me. How can I be at ease with the things that I’ve been given?
There is a settling in my chest. Sinking, like a stone, deeper towards the present. And in that presence, there is full enjoyment and wonder.
I was hiking in the jungle. Lush green surrounding me. A trickle of water nearby. The smell of the guavas and the birds singing their songs. Looking up at the trees, I whispered a thank you. For the opportunity to be in this special place. To be amongst the energy of the island. Along the breeze, the island whispered back “Everything is a gift”
Because you don’t know what door is opening for you whilst you are waiting on a blocked path. You will eventually be led. It simply requires trust. That which is given by the Universe is a blessing.
With this perspective, thank you is the mantra most used on my lips. You never know what’s around the corner. xx
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